Doing a 180

I don't want to start a bitch fest here so let me make this brief- this work week was absolute shit. I'm a secretary which I just discovered is code for, "I'm the one everyone shits on when they're having a tough time of it." Being as I find it very difficult to be mean/rude/disrespectful to others, I don't really follow this trend- but there it is- I now have proof that such treatment towards the front office exists.

In any case, today things did a 180 spin. I can't tell you how amazing that feels. With one brief discussion with a manager about mutual concerns and apparent "complaints" against me and my frazzledness lately, I've suddenly got everyone back on my side. In fact, I was so thrilled to not have been swept into an anxiety attack today that I did one of my icier co-workers a big fat unsolicited favor --- and it felt freakin' good! Hell, I even got a hug out of it. (I assure you, that's huge here.)

So now I'm kicking back Friday style. Dinner was made by someone else (presumably having a less awesome Friday than me sadly if they're making my dinner), and I even inexplicably avoided a speeding ticket. I was obviously speeding with my head in the clouds. The cop was obviously parked on a curve in the highway where he could easily see this and yet - nothing! Thank you sweet Jesus! And now I'm free to happily whittle away the hours as I so choose until Goat comes home and we can finally have some quality time after a very busy week of hardly seeing each other.

And yes, tomorrow I need to wake up early and drive my boat Bertha home so that Mom can call the cops and get a police report on it's recent keying as she has so demanded I comply with. And yes, that means we're going to spend the whole beautiful day getting estimates on how much a complete paint job on a 1998 dinged up lumina would cost. And yes, that means she's going to have to crash at Goat and I's apartment while driving my pathetic carless ass to work while it's getting repaired (since she's on summer vacay). But, whatever, today's Friday. Today was sweet. Today I didn't get yelled at, harassed or otherwise abused. Today freakin' rocks!

... I'll deal with tomorrow later.

Kinda Like a 3am Conversation

You know what I decided?

Blogging is like an excellent 3 am conversation. You know the kind. Right before you're totally zonked when you realize that everything that has meaning in the world has become crystal clear to you in that drunken muddled sleepy way of its. It's the type of no-limits space where you can spill your guts, rant about randomness and propose open-ended deep questions or flippant rhetorical ones.

I think that's why I love this space so much. This interaction we can find here with the rest of the world. It's why I can never stay away with finality. And God, do I love 3 am conversations.

All in a Night's Work

The other night I woke up at 4 in the morning to find that at some point during my restless sleep I put my glasses on in the dark and promptly went back to bed. Guess I was feeling some late night reading.

The following morning I quickly glanced at my pillow in a "what the fuck" quizzical stare. The pillow case had been completely taken off and lay strewn on the floor while my pillow was in perfect shape just previously resting under my bed-head.

I ask you, does this sound like a normal nights rest? Now I knew I talked.... but read/disclothed? News to me...

The Game of LIFE

Maybe I should go back to school.

When I was graduating and feverishly looking for a job in my profession I never once considered going to grad school. I was an English major for crying out loud! I figured I was pushing it enough with spending over 200 grand on four years of schooling focused around a language I was born speaking. What could going grad school ever do for me?

So, after spilling my bowels over a career in publishing and then moving on to a position in a completely different field that neither requires my education nor eases my debt, I've finally figured out what I honest to God want to do with my life. For once, the "what now" is not the problem. Instead it's the now what can I do to get the there?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not about to leave my current job. In fact, I quite like it most of the time. What I don't like is being treated like an annoying, lazy, idiot of which I am not. I'm not being proud... just truthful. I am a person and thus deserve to be treated with respect just as I treat others with respect. It's the golden rule people.

In the future though, a long, long, long time down the road, I have every ambition to "live the dream." In fact, that ball is already rolling. First off, I want to be my own boss as a manager of an on-line business that is so unfurled in my head it's as if the thing already exists. I've already got one potential client and I'm in talks with a very cyberspace talented friend to create the website which will be my launching pad. From there, I work my ass off and take on this new job I've created for myself as well as the current one I need for both stability and humility. Years down the road... we see...

For now though I wonder how to grin and bear it? Does every job have at least one passive aggressive part of it that works it's way closer and closer to pushing you over the edge? Am I really that bad at the career aspect of life? It's like the game of LIFE. I got past college, waved mom and dad good bye. Goat's my little blue plastic buddy and now I've spun myself down the career path (leaving the pink kids behind for now). If I choose to go down the higher education path, would I be that much closer to winning the game? Does it come with a lucky spin of wealth? How about those pink kids, will there still be time for them should I so choose to be greedy with my desires?


Which game of LIFE are you playing? Fortune? Fame? Poverty? Imprisonment?

Twenty-Something

God, I love my generation.

We have our day jobs. The jobs were we multi-task, file, sort, organize, write, read and sometimes even twitter to earn our daily pay. These are fine. They're not what we went to college for (most of the time anyway) but they're fine. And then we have our dreams. And God, do we dream big.

We're the makers of iphone apps. The earners of exciting new grad school degrees. The lead singers in bands that sing with heart. We're the kids that chug down mochas and talk about new forms of artwork, social media, and having so much more than the classic working mom and dad type of life that our parents struggled through to pay the bills. We persist. We demand. We dream.

We're driven. We have our goals. We may not know what they are quite yet, but we do know that the world has a special place for us. A job, action, accomplishment that we're meant to acheive. We may doubt how we'll make it to the next pay check, where we'll live and how our love life will turn out, but we don't doubt that this world has a special place for us. It's where we're meant to be, we just have to figure out how to get there.

Should you fret that we just might not find it, keep in mind that we're of the generation of Mapquest, the GPS system and even Google Earth. Direction has hardly been a troubling subject for us. Never aimless, we're more like nomads, choosing to wonder. We want to make sure that we get it just right. We try a little bit of this and a little bit of that, all the while keeping our destiny in mind. We may not know where we'll end up, but we're sure as hell going to be headed in that direction. We're the dreamers who see the big picture and the small. We appreciate late night concerts, early morning meetings and life altering decisions like who to vote for, and what type of grocery bag will help preserve our planet. We're complex, confusing, lost and found. We're perfectly horrible. You love us and you hate us, but one day, we will be the leaders of this world. The children of tomorrow grown up to be the women and men of today. We're your future and we're going to accomplish so much. We're already accomplishing so much. If you can't see it now, just you wait.

Excuse Me, Could I Borrow Your Child?

You have no idea how many times I have had the impulse to say the above to some one. No, I don't want to keep them. I'm not going all kidnapper on the prowl. I simply want to borrow them for some event, moment, experience that seems very kid appropriate.

For instance, as you know, Goat and I are getting married in October of 2010. As part of the planning process we've been nailing down the location, hiring the D.J., picking out the invitations, and, most important of all, selecting our bridal party. Seeing as neither sides of our family has any appropriate aged little tykes running around, we've decided to forgo the classically cute ring bearer and flower girl rolls. That doesn't stop us, however, from pointing out adorably cute/peculiar children in malls, amusement parks, etc. and alerting the other that that's the kid we've got to have! If someone were to overhear us on such occasions, I'm sure they'd have us reported, or at the very least, as far away from their children as possible, but it's the truth. We would love to just borrow an adorable kid for the day give them some rose petals and watch them go. What a kick!

Tonight I experienced yet another need for a small child's presence. Whilst on the search for a book sale, I stumbled across a "FunFest" that the whole neighborhood decided to show up for. Located at the Farm Show expo the fest was divided into four separate massive buildings. Building number one was more like two incredibly stuffy trailers which held the books. Incredible bargains, but nothing thrilling none the less. Trailer number two, however, was labeled GAMES. Who doesn't see GAMES and say "count me in!" then go skipping off in happiness? Someone with no kids, that's who. The children were obviously loving it. They were running around like mad with tired but pleased parents trailing after them. I was both horrified and jealous at the same time.

Trailer number three was labeled "Chinese Auction and Food," which was, let's face it, more my style. I entered with wide eyes, still enthralled by the sugar-rushed kids running about, to discover an activity which inspired memories from my own youth - the basket auction. Just as was the tradition every year in elementary school, I was invited to spend a few dollars in order to put my bid in to win various baskets, gift certificates and hand made novelties. I'm excited to see how my luck turned out.

Just when I thought I'd died and gone to dutch country cooking heaven, my eyes alighted on the slightly hidden fourth building. The "PRIZES" building. That's right, they had a WHOLE BUILDING DEDICATED TO PRIZES!!! But did I dare enter? No. Did I want to grab a small child and say "Hey, let's check it out!?" Hells YES.

Does this make me a predator? No. Does it make me incredibly creepy and borderline dangerous to all youth in my presence. Probably. Do you want me to babysit? ..... PLEASE? ;) I'll take them to the zoo!

100 Truth About Yours Truly

100 Truths About Me.

Yet again, it took a fellow blogging chica to get me out of my rut. Cheers to Marjie who continues to rock my socks. So here goes almost 100 things you probably never wanted to know about me... This one's for you girlie!

001. Name → Daszzle (I don't play fair)
002. Nickname(s)→ D and Schaff
004. Zodiac sign → Aquarius
005. Male or female → Femme
006. Elementary → The Bumble Bee School
007. Middle School → P.M.S. (I kid you not)
008. High School → P-town High School
009. College School → Elizabethtown College
009b. University → I consider those questions the same.... though I am applying for Grad School!
010. Hair color → Dark brown like the exact color of my eyes. Somehow, they match quite well =) . (You know what, I'm keeping Marjie's answer... basically we could be twins ;)
011. Long or short → Mid length due to upcoming weddings
012. Loud or Quiet → It depends on the situation. Basically, I never shut up, but I wouldn't say I'm loud about it.
013. Jumpers or Jeans → Jumpers? Really?
014. Phone or Camera → Aww my camera just broke. And the tears finally stopped. Thanks a lot number 14! BWAH!
015. Health freak → Not even close... bring on the chocolate baby!
016. Drink or Smoke? → Never even held a cigarette. A margarita on the other hand...
017. Do you have a crush on someone? → Funny you should ask. I'm currently living with a very smoking guy...
018. Eat or Drink → My life may just revolve around my next meal. Is that bad?
019. Piercings → Two and I was seven. I'm horribly afraid of needles so I'm happy I was a dumb little kid.
020. Tattoos → I'm pretty sure # 19 sums that answer up.

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → Again #19 is really coming in handy.
024. First best friend → Hmm, I would say Stephanie B. Actually we still keep in touch occasionally.
025. First award → God, I don't know. Maybe one of those little pat on the back things they gave us in elementary school. It was seriously a hand traced piece of construction paper that they taped to our backs for being good. I was so proud of that thing haha.
026. First crush → Matthew .... something. He was hot! Ooh and like 5 years older. I'm bad-ass like that.
027. First pet → Button, a terrier that I was horribly in love with till it bit me and mom sent it away. Can't say I blame her.
028. First big vacation → Hmm, maybe Canada. We went out to see the Falls with my grandparents in our little pop-up trailer. Sweetness.
030. First big birthday → I'm sure I had some really great b-days as a little kid, but who really remembers them? I'll go with my first and only surprise birthday party for my 13th. I dropped to my knees in the hall cause the screaming girls scared me so much. Nothing says party like embarrassment ;)


CURRENTLY:
049. Eating → Raisinets. Fruit meets chocolate--- i.e. the perfect combination of food
050. Drinking → Nothing
052. I'm about to → Apply for a blogging job
053. Listening to → Silence. Good idea, on with the itunes!
054. Plans for today → Since it's 10:35 pm I'd say packing my lunch, brushing my teeth and sleeping pretty much line up my agenda.
055. Waiting for → Goat to get home from work.

YOUR FUTURE:
058. Want kids? → Yes, I say hesitantly. I never did and now I do, but I still have a sneaking suspicion that I'll manage to screw them up royally. We shall see...
059. Want to get married? → Hells yes! October 2010 baby!
060. Careers in mind → Hmm, I don't know anymore. I think I might want to get my MBA. So maybe entrepreneur of some sort... of course writer is always there.

WHICH IS BETTER IN THE BOY/GIRL YOU LIKE?
068. Lips or eyes → Lips, but only when he's shaven recently! Right now I keep joking around that he's stabbing me with stubble. Poor guy.
070. Shorter or taller - I'd say just an inch or two taller is suiting me perfectly.
072. Romantic or spontaneous → Well, I'd say Goat leans more towards spontaneous but ooh do I love the romance!!!
073. Nice stomach or nice arms → Welcome to the gun show!
074. Sensitive or loud→ Really? Neither. Well, okay, sensitive, but not in the crying all the time way. This relationship only has one for one pansy...
075. Hook-up or relationship → Definitely relationship, I've never been much for hook-ups
076. Trouble maker or hesitant → Against my better judgement... trouble maker. I fall for the wanna be bad boys.

HAVE YOU EVER:
080. Lost glasses/contacts → No, but I did once completely bend my glasses in half. Surprisingly they recovered. Yay 90's wire frames!
081. Ran away from home → Nope.
082. Held a gun/knife for self defense → No, and I'm very thankful about this one.
083. Killed somebody → I'm gonna go with no. Makes me wonder though... does anybody ever seriously answer yes to this one?
084. Broke some one's heart → Not that I know of. Is it wrong that I'd like to fancy myself a heart breaker however?
085. Been arrested → Not even a speeding ticket. Let's just say I know a guy ;)...
087. Cried when someone died → Oh yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. Yourself → Depends on what the topic is. I always believe in my sayings (cough GOAT cough). More important things though? Well, not always.
090. Miracles → I definitely believe in miracles.
091. Love at first sight → Huh, well, I do and I don't. I believe in chemistry at first sight. But I don't necessarily think these two are the same. So much for being a romantic...
092. Heaven → Yes
093. Santa Clause → I was seriously disappointed when that cat came out of the bag.
094. Tooth Fairy → Surprisingly I was even more upset about finding out this guy wasn't flying around depositing money under my pillow. I mean, who doesn't want to wake up with a gross tooth gone and money received?
095. Kiss on the first date → Haha, I'd be a hypocrite if I said no to this. These lips won over the fiance with a sweet little kiss that first night. At least that's what I tell myself ;)


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now → Goat, always
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life → No, yes, I don't know. Let's just say this is a question I've been asking myself a lot lately.
099. Do you believe in God → Yes
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 20 people → 20 you say? Well, like I said in #1, I cheat. So therefore I'll tag just three of my faves. By the way, 3 is my favorite number. You didn't ask, but I'm tellin' ya!

Happy blogging friends:
Michelle Dawn
Graham
Sugar Queen Dream

Attitude Gratitude Award

I'm sorry I've been so MIA again. I've just been down and out with the worst viral infection that I've had in quite some time. Thank God it's not strep though as I'd originally feared.

In any case, the lovely Michelle Dawn woke me from my NyQuil stooper with a lovely award that I'd like to share with a few of my favorites. Thanks again Michelle!!! I'm truly grateful to have such a friendly blogging buddy and as for the attitude part... mine just perked up to about a 10.

Attitude/Gratitude Award


Here are the rules:
1. put the logo on your blog or post
2. nominate at least 10 blogs, which show great attitude and/or gratitude!
3 be sure to link to your nominees within your postlet them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog
4. share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award.
5. How did you get a great attitude and gratitude


Now for my nominees...

1. Graham
2. Marigold Jane
3. Marjie
4. Hayley
5. Sindi
6. SO@24
7. Sugar Queen
8. Child's Romance
9. CZ
10. MMP

Though I haven't been in touch with some of you in quite some time, you are all tremendously deserving. Enjoy!

My Song of Planet Fitness Praise

I have found a place of acceptance. I have found a place that is visited by both the young, the old, the lean and the heavy. It is a place where you will hear not only English, but many other languages spoken. Religion no longer matters, ethnicity is a item ignored.

I have found a safe haven. And in this safe haven we are all working towards a goal: our health.

Planet Fitness credits itself as being "the judgment free zone." I'd have to agree because every time I walk through my gym's doors I'm greeted by a friendly staff offering up a bowl full of tootsie rolls and fresh flowers for my viewing pleasure. To my left I can partake in a seated massage and too my right I can lay myself down on a bed and surround myself with a skin bronzing light (should I so choose to).

What's more is beyond these excellent comfort options is a pristine locker room with anything a girl could ever need provided and of course an array of work out machinery - all user friendly. I love it there.

Now don't get me wrong, I hate to work out. I hate to eat healthy and I hate to have other people watch me work out or eat (healthy or otherwise), but here, well here it doesn't matter. As I said, nobody is robotic in nature. There's such a wide variety of shapes, size and backgrounds that not even I could feel like a freak on display. When I go to a new machine which looks complicated in nature. Not only do I have the comfort of knowing there will be easy to follow directions available, but I will not be alone in my challenge. So many others, just like me, are new to the gym scene.

So to top of my song of praises towards Planet Fitness, I recommend it to you. If you're a seasoned vet, or better yet a work out rookie, it is so worth your while to check it out. For $10 a month, I seriously couldn't ask for more.

P.S. Sorry for the infomercial appeal... but honest to God... this place freakin' rocks my socks!